Where have I been? Asking myself the same thing.

Wowee!!  What a year this has been.  It's been awhile since I blogged.  I have been so preoccupied with relationship and emotional issues.  Been worn down and worn out.  People I love with all my heart have died and others have walked away from me.  Friends that I know and love me unconditionally don't live near me and I miss them terribly.  My best friend from high school lost her husband suddenly and it shattered all of our worlds.  What could I say to her to relieve her pain? What could I do to let her know that I hurt, too and that I wish I could take the sting of the pain away?  And my best friend here in Albany has treated me unkindly on two occasions and made me question my friendship and question how I have allowed others to take me for granted and not value my friendship.  Or was it that I didn't set proper boundaries? Had I been too kind, too loving, too understanding, too supportive, too forgiving?  When did I become a doormat to all of the people in my life?  I really love the people in my life and I truly want what is best for them.  I love hard and give freely and encouraging others brings me joy.  But as I sit here, I am questioning everything about who I am.  I sit here alone.  No friends, no phone calls, no nothing..  I have no one to hang out with, my phone doesn't ring, no invitations to anything.  How did I get here?  Everyone who I have given myself to has left me stranded.  Stranded physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  I'm spent and worn down. It hurts like hell.  My only refuge is Christ.  He's what's holding me up because I feel lonely, lost and forgotten.  Praying about when this thing will turn around and how it will turn around.  My hope is in Christ and I have the faith of a mustard seed.  That mustard seed is all I have today.  Praying for deliverance.