I have been sitting back and reflecting on this year. It has been a series of highs and lows. There were a least 4 incidents that took my breath away and some that just made me sit still and just listen for God to tell me something. I was literally speechless. Had nothing to say and had no words to give. I felt exhausted and depleted of my energy at times. I felt alone. I felt lonely. I felt misunderstood. I felt judged. I felt betrayed. I felt neglected. I felt unappreciated. I loved too hard and I didn't love enough. People who I thought had my back, let me fall. People who I didn't know showed up and stepped up to the plate. I sat, I cried. I sat some more and I cried some more. I laid down. I went for walks. I went for drives. All the while, talking to God and telling Him all about it. Didn't really have to tell Him because He knows all, He is everywhere and He has all power. But I like to talk to Him. It makes me feel better . And when I can't talk, I like to write it down on paper and let Him read all about it. And then there's those private thoughts that I don't share with anyone. The ones that only He and I know about. The desires of my heart. Sometimes when I'm not looking, He shows me that He's listening. He'll do something to let me know that He hears me and that He loves me. It's usually when I am feeling neglected or unappreciated. But through the highs and lows, God has been my leaning post. He's been my source of comfort. He's been my strength and my peace. My all and all.
I have learned a lot this year. So, I don't have time for the crazy. Not eating anymore emotional poison or listening to anymore negative tapes either. Spending my time loving myself, my family and my friends. Trying to work on being the woman God would have me to be. It's a process, so if I mess up or don't act the way you think I should, please don't judge me. Ask me if I need help or if you can genuinely be of assistance to my growth. I'm looking for authenticity. If you don't genuinely care about me it's okay but please just leave me alone. It's okay if we are not friends. I don't need to be friends with everybody. I want to surround myself with loving and caring people. I only want to be in relationships with people who want to be in relationship with me. Plus, I'm silly. If you can't handle my silliness and share a genuine, gut busting laugh that's fine. I'll keeping being me and make it do what it do, baby!!
Yes, a year of highs and lows. Blessings. Grace. Mercy. Thankful for it all. The good, the bad, the highs and the lows.
